Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
