LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
cat food counts as protein by the way
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
