She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
