We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Come see our sink grown plant.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
