OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
