I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
