Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i think i have two assholes
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
