I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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