you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
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I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
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you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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