I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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