1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
