then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
