and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
When are your genitals available?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
