what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
