I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
