Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
