Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
