Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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