guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I FOUND THE LEGS
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
