remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
