I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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