Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
