I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
