he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
did you just send me my own nude
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
