There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
