Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
