I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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