he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
