If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
