you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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