it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
