The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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