Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
