We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
