last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
