The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
