I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
