she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
