I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize