What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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