My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he thought i was a dude.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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