Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
don't judge my taste in strippers
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
