There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
being pregnant is like rehab
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
