look no pants
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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