I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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