How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
