....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
