Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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