Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
