i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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