I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
