you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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