just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
