obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
