im drinking this country out of the recession.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
