just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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