We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
