I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
