I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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