The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
