If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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