just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
