Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
