Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
