did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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