I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
