Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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