Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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