i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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