I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I want to walk on stilts...naked
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
