I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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